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Discussion

TOEFL Writing
(12)

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Independent Writing

In this world of advancement, groups or organizations are very important part of people's lives. Particular organization have specific purpose and job. Today, life is become so advance and fast that everyone needs to concern a specific organization or person to let his work done in very short time. Also being a part of a group gives a satisfactory feeling to the person and helps in achieving one's goals. I am gonna discuss few important reasons behind my this opinion.

To begin with, just after we get birth we are already a part of a sweet group that is family. Family is like a small group in which we come across different stages and learn a lot of things from our elder ones. Only family can teach us to live in society and make our lives running smooth. Because man can't live alone. we always have need to talk to others or to get a hand of others for something.

Secondly, being a part of a group helps in learning a lot of things, which a person could not learn alone. Because in group there are number of persons who have different experiences, knowledge and perspectives. Everyone share his /her views about a particular thing/topic and get best out of the discussion. For example,In my university, I am a member of a technical group named " Great developers". As the name suggests, this group's basic job is to develop new open source softwares or mobile applications. All the working is done through e-mail. The person who have any problem in his/her work, describe it to all through an email. Everyone get that mail and try to sort out that problem. In this way, it helps a lot in learning new ideas and technical things.

Third, according to me if person is a part of a group or organization, he helps in making his city or town more organized or developed. He does not think only about his/herself but about his society or city too. For Example, My father is a member of committee named "Panchayati Mandal" in my village. The basic purpose of this committee is to solve the problems of the villagers and look after the things required in development of the village. It helps in running the things in village very smooth.

In conclusion, I will say that groups play a crucial role in our lives from the birth until death. They are also very helpful for the persons who tends to be individualistic. It not only makes our lives worth living but also gives a lot of opportunities to build our career and to fulfill our goals.

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Martin B Victor

Rimpy, over all this is good. The basic problem you have is grammar so brush up on it. I also want to point of your use of embellishment, and is in reference to your use of "sweet group that is family". Try to avoid these types of embellishments. They to really add anything to your writing and actually make it worse in a sense. It's as if you are trying to make up for other others such as grammar by offering these flowery words in order to impress. Your essays will be far more impressive if you focus on developing your essay, providing specific details and examples and improvement of grammar, punctuation, spelling and vocabulary.