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Discussion

TOEFL Writing
(8)

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Topic 33 writing-I would like to buy tickets to a concert.I am very fond of music.I like dancing and singing a lot specially with my friends.Due to a very busy routine,I am not able to go to home and not able attend any function. So, i want to enjoy with my friends over there.In last concert, we enjoyed a lot as our favourite singers came there. Also,I am left with only six months to enjoy with my friends as our degree is going to be ended soon.I want to spend every moment with friends by making it special.Moreover, I really like these concerts as these are for refreshing us and making us to live our lives to the fullest.I really like the concerts in the open areas having beautiful lights , music systems and all the other arrangements.If I will receive money as a gift ,I want to buy tickets of the coming concert.This concert is going to a very big blockbuster.This is going to be held in chandigarh.I had missed the last concert because of the shortage of money. This time , I will go with my all friends. I heard this from someone that famous punjabi singers as well as the bollywood singers are coming there. I really want to meet them. I like the punjabi singer Gurdas Maan and bollywood singer Arijit the most.They are also coming there. I wanted to meet them since last year.This time , I will definitely meet them.Buying jewellery is not in my interest,this will not give me that much happiness which the enjoyment at the concert gives me with my friends. So, i would like to go for buying concert tickets rather for jewellery.

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Martin B Victor

This is fairly good, Manpreet though it seems a bit repetitive in terms of "buying the tickets". Overall this is good, but grammatical errors are getting in the way in understanding this better.