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This is not bad, Harpreet, but I think it could be a bit more developed by adding a couple more relevant points. Overalll, it is good and will get you a very good score. Also, this is a bit generalized. Focus more on specific details and in particular, use yourself or people you know for examples rather then relying on general things. Again, overall, this is good. You make good use of words and grammar and I think writing is one of your strengths
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This is not bad, Harpreet, but I think it could be a bit more developed by adding a couple more relevant points. Overalll, it is good and will get you a very good score. Also, this is a bit generalized. Focus more on specific details and in particular, use yourself or people you know for examples rather then relying on general things. Again, overall, this is good. You make good use of words and grammar and I think writing is one of your strengths