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Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury (giving false statement in Court)?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for a murder.
A defendant was asked whether he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," the defendant replied. "Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge. "Sure," replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer pondered the engineer's reply for a moment, and looking somewhat confused, asked, "How did you start the flood?"
Your attorney and your mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You only have the time to save one of them. Will you (1) have lunch? Or (2) go to a movie?
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the latter's rates. "Rs.1,000 for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that quite steep?” asked the man while doling out the thousand-rupee note. "Yes," answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"
